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Food leaflets.

"You're the lid to my pot."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

'I hope you all like stuffing.'

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

Join me for dinner?

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

Haute Chinese

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'There was sizzle but no steak.'

Cut out and keep your own Chef

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

'Pass the grey stuff.'

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

'Jingling your change won't get us a better table.'

"I'm told the items marked with happy faces are especially yummy."