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Food leaflets.

"You're the lid to my pot."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

'I hope you all like stuffing.'

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Haute Chinese

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

Join me for dinner?

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'Pass the grey stuff.'

'There was sizzle but no steak.'

Cut out and keep your own Chef

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

'Jingling your change won't get us a better table.'

"And it was at the moment I realized that the only thing holding me back from culinary excellence was a bucket-load of butter."

"I'm told the items marked with happy faces are especially yummy."