Gourmet Analyst T-Shirts

"Oh, sure, I eat gluten ... but only in certain restaurants."

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

La Table

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

French wine

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop