Gourmet Pet Food Critic T-Shirts

'Look at this: We get the gourmet tins while Rex gets the generic dog food...'

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

Dog Dressed to Eat

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

Dogs stealing cat food - Vice Squad orders 'Stay!'

'Oh come on! I can't be that bad!'

'Try the steak tartare...it's okay.'

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

"They can put dogs in space, but they can't make decent tasting dog food."

"Thousands of craft beers and I still haven't found one with a smooth, kibble finish."

'Mutt is very insulting and definitely politically incorrect, but where do I find an animal rights attorney at this hour of the night?'

"She doesn't eat raw zebra... Where can we get Alaska wild salmon in cream truffle sauce in the middle of Africa?"

Four Star Meal

"She's eating in tonight."

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

"For this dish we'll need to sauté the onion with the week-old, moldy, ant-covered French fry over medium heat. Then, we lightly flash boil our dehydrated mouse..."

-'God that looks disgusting.' -'You're telling me.'

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'I don't care if top breeders do recommend it - I am not going to eat dog food!'

'Fruits, vegetables, meat, eggs and cooked beans! He gets a better dinner than I do!'

'You realize you're spoiling Bilbo.'

John envied his friends who worked at the local chocolate company

"Look, I’m sorry - it’s not Asian fusion night!"

'You're lucky you can't read.'

"I think I'll go for the Barf Bits du Jour."

"I've got a complaint about the table scraps you are feeding me...cut down on the fatty tissues...I'm gaining weight!"

"Some dehydrated corn and bone meal for the gentleman, perhaps?"

"Your 'presentation' could use some work."

'How gauche! Serving oyster crackers with clam chowder.'

"We'll be needing a high chair for spot."