Gourmet Avoider Gifts

"And we thought you were a team player!"

"You're the lid to my pot."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

Garlic Free Zone.

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Join me for dinner?

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

Haute Chinese

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

Cut out and keep your own Chef

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

'Pass the grey stuff.'

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

'There was sizzle but no steak.'

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

'Now, now...no stealing people's data until you finish your brussels sprouts.'

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."