Gourmet Appreciation T-Shirts

'You have an impressive cellar.'

"Ray says he serves his homemade wine this way for the presentation, but believe me, it's because it improves the taste."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

The wonderful world of cheese.

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"You're the lid to my pot."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

Menu Dating

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

The Main Types of Cheese

To do before Saturday...

French wine

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

Too much cilantro