Gourmet Tasting T-Shirts

'Too much hazel, not enough nut.'

'I'm sensing a smooth, mellow brightness with hints of chocolate & a touch of citrus. . . you?'

"Is the MSG local?"

All I'm saying is why don't we do something different this year. How do we know the pilgrims didn't enjoy a nice lobster bisque once in awhile?

'Personally, I think the cumulous taste more cotton candy then marshmallow.'

Gourmets

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

"The barista was fast, but it took me 15 minutes to figure out the menu."

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

The wonderful world of cheese.

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'A cheeky red?'

La Table

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

Cookbooks

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."