Gorilla Gossip Enthusiast Gifts

'Bipedalism is a great advance. But now we have to watch out for banana peels.'

'She's so put together!'

'It's called 'cause and effect.' I pound this log and Tarzan goes bananas.'

A little bird told me...

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"I love an ape, secure in his masculinity!"

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

Zoo. Diet Clinic. Hey everybody --- There's no longer an 800-pound gorilla in the room!

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

Giant gorilla peers at female victim. She says into cellphone: "I can't talk now, he's right here."

'Because it was there, Dave, because it was there.'

The 24-Hour Celebrities Doing Something Stupid Channel.

'Vanity, thy name is Maple.'

"He's a real throwback. He does all his own publicity stunts."

"He's only an associate but he's already reaping at a partner's level."

"George is fluent in two languages. English and total nonsense."

"She's got money and he's a 'poet'."

"It was the unsubstantiated rumours that attracted me to you in the first place."

"Well, at first I didn't like him. But then his creepiness just grew on me."

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

18 Days Since the Last Embarrassing Off-Field Incident.

Pie chart of pub conversations

"With Harry all options are on the table, including pointlessly looking for a job that doesn't exist for him anymore."

'Washington has wooden teeth? -- how did you find that out?', 'It came out in conversation.'

"...I have the oddest 'earliest memory' and I wanted to share it. It's just as wekkm I guess. Knowing some man secretly attended my first birthday party has caused me to question my parentage all these years....Especially since Mother Park made me promise not to tell Father that the potted plant was acually J. Edgar Hoover."

"I had half a date last weekend."

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

"Facts are good, but we need all the rumors, gossip, and speculation to fully understand the situation."

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

"So, Jenny in accounting needs all reimbursement forms backdated to the first of the month, but Dave in HR said she's just doing that to create busy work for everyone."

'Nothing like some tea and symphony.'

'Have you heard the news about Susan in logistics?...'