Gorilla Fan Gifts

"Please, no flash photography! It reminds him of his embarrassingly awkward yearbook photo!"

'There's something about beig locked up with a 500-pound gorilla, highly allergic to cigarette smoke, that works every time'

'That's not funny, Fred.'

'Mr. Kong?'

'Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not a speaking gorilla. I won 'extreme body make-over' twice in a row.'

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

Ping Kong

'It's called 'cause and effect.' I pound this log and Tarzan goes bananas.'

'I'm telling you Fred, this can of silver paint is going to improve your love-life!...'

"I love an ape, secure in his masculinity!"

'You see, we don't have any children, so he's kind of our baby.'

Zoo. Diet Clinic. Hey everybody --- There's no longer an 800-pound gorilla in the room!

'Because it was there, Dave, because it was there.'

Giant gorilla peers at female victim. She says into cellphone: "I can't talk now, he's right here."

"Give us a chip."

"He was chained to his kennel, and since I have opposable thumbs, I was able to remove his collar and set him free..."

"Good grief, Wilson! At least act like you're enjoying it! It's for my blog!"

"Now that's just low-down mean."

Tokyo City Limits

Swinging through the jungle.

'Well, that was a mismatch. . . ok, we need a volunteer - who wants to guard Godzilla?'

'Honey, I need the Drano again!'

And make sure my daughter is back by 10pm: You really don't want to see me angry!

'Now that's just low-down mean.'

"I don't care if he's an endangered species, captain - I'm going to blast him."

"Deal! I'll introduce you to Dian Fossey and you'll introduce me to Jane Goodall!"

Doug finally got a chance to use his karate and he forgot to make the ceremonial bow.'

'The truth is, Gorillas don't even like bananas...They just love pratfalls.'

"I asked you to enrich the gorilla's environment not recreate a scene from 'King Kong'."

"Surf's up."

'They took me off the endangered species list? They wouldn't dare!'

'You're not the only eight hundred pound gorilla in the room, you know.'

'I wish to complain about 'Heavy breathing calls'.'

'That's what we evolved from.'

"Mikey and Bubbles: Gorilla songwriters"