Gopher Guru Gifts

"Any sign of gophers?"

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"Trust me, Lew, if anyone knows where the salmon are jumping, she does!"

No-Work Orange

Computer Science Class 10101010101.

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

'I do a lot of icing. It's part of my mellowness.'

"The raw material was all around me: That's how I got started as a sculptor..."

'It finally took me thirty years, but I finally have one of every 3-D comic book ever made'

Geek fairies

"Now, why didn't I think of that?"

'I think he's doing ok, the coach says he has the attention span of a goldfish.'

The Goalkeeper

Bill glanced up from his computer. It was dark outside. He smelled of BO. A little voice inside his head whispered, 'you should probably log off now.'

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

"This is not what I meant when I said you needed to practice your play fighting..."

It can be taken up at any age....

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

Golf lessons

Computer making faces behind owner's back.

Man fishing in goldfish bowl - "Its always been the same with you Norman.. No ambition."

And if the ball is completely unplayable...

"Why... do goldfish have such a short memory span? We don't – there isn't anything to remember if all you do is swim around in circles all day long."

"They play union in heaven... where do they play football?"

'I didn't have a glass ceiling I had to break through... I had a golf course I had to conquer.'

'It looks to me like they come in peace.'

"I didn't mean your day wasn't hard, too."

"On the weekend I finally beat the club pro...so I don't need you anymore!"

'Are you blind ref?'

Boys and Girls: Differences in Internet Surfing.

Cat plays a golf shot from a litter box.

'Does the hunter I just ate make me look fat?'

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

"So is that a slice of a hook? I never know which is which."