Good Manners Enthusiast Pillows

'Wall hugging won't get you past me without a 'Good morning', Carson.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Mommy, look! He's man-spreading!"

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

Only One Item or Fewer.

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

'I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate.'

"A gentleman would offer his seat."

'Don't get up!'

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'

'Oh I don't mind you turning over my cups to look at the mark. But next time, please finish your tea.'

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

"All rise."

'D'you have any salt?'

'I need to take this call... please mumble to yourself.'

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."