Good Manners Enthusiast Gifts

'Wall hugging won't get you past me without a 'Good morning', Carson.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Mommy, look! He's man-spreading!"

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Only One Item or Fewer.

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

"A gentleman would offer his seat."

'Don't get up!'

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

'I need to take this call... please mumble to yourself.'

'So are you the wise guy that thinks my food is not good enough to regurgitate and maul between your hands?'

"All rise."

'D'you have any salt?'

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'