Good Manners Guru Pillows

'I thanked my teacher for teaching me so well, and she fainted.'

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

Cat Reunion

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

Dating is so expensive...

"Be creative...!"

Emergency Hipster Beard

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

'Done the first, now shower, shave.' - The bear essentials.

"I'm not saying your after shave smells bad, but.. maybe you should use one mosquitoes don't like so much!"

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

Movember

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

"Same goash-darn thing every full moon, eh, Mr. Harper?"

"Nice haircut."

The Cat Spa

'Have you had a brazilian?'

Hair Traffic control.

'Reach up and fold down into Uttanasa.' - 'Notice how you feel both physically and spiritually.' - 'Physically, I feel that my toenails are a bit too long.' - 'Hmmm... okay, what about spiritually?'

You can tell when the blades get dull on your rotary nose-hair clippers.

"Would the gentleman care for a razor and comb to start?"

Square Cut

"We have a very special relationship with our barber."

Shaving