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'I thanked my teacher for teaching me so well, and she fainted.'

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

Emergency Hipster Beard

Dating is so expensive...

Cat Reunion

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"Be creative...!"

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

'Done the first, now shower, shave.' - The bear essentials.

"Same goash-darn thing every full moon, eh, Mr. Harper?"

"Nice haircut."

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

The Cat Spa

"I'm not saying your after shave smells bad, but.. maybe you should use one mosquitoes don't like so much!"

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

Movember

'Reach up and fold down into Uttanasa.' - 'Notice how you feel both physically and spiritually.' - 'Physically, I feel that my toenails are a bit too long.' - 'Hmmm... okay, what about spiritually?'

'Have you had a brazilian?'

Hair Traffic control.

You can tell when the blades get dull on your rotary nose-hair clippers.

Square Cut

"We have a very special relationship with our barber."

The day wasps discovered there's something about an Aqua Velva Man.

'To grow a good beard, have good dental habits. First, brush with a concave brush to clean the teeth's facial surfaces. Then use a convex brush to reach flat surfaces. Then use a scalloped brush to be chic. Then floss to clean between teeth. Then use ...