Good Luck Guru Gifts

"I told you my lucky pennies would work."

Self help acupuncture

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

'You may not feel any healthier right away, but you'll definitely feel more smug.'

National Academy of Sport

Keep Fit.

Everyone agrees: Aunt Juanita needs a man.

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

'I gotta lose some weight.'

Tired executive going into gym coming out gleaming

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

'They say that poker is a sport. I hope they don't start testing for steroids.'

Congratulations on the new you!

"Still, you've got to admit our being swallowed by a fish has its humorous aspects!"

'And right here they merged...'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

The Epsom Derby - Bookies

'Apply that ointment as directed and call me if the growth does not reduce or it starts to talk.'

'Follow this diet, and soon the temple of your soul will just be a small chapel.'

"Your bedside health care book ... thanks for not reading it."

Humpty Dumpty in Occupational Therapy

'Look honey! I can touch my knees!'

'Have you been working out?'

"Ever since the elevator broke down, we've learned that our staff is in desperate need of a fitness program. Especially, since we're only one floor up."