Good Deed Reflector Pillows

Whenever I try to do good it backfires on me phobia.

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'THAT'S the Holy Land? - You're kidding, right?'

'No good deed goes unpunished around here.'

'I think we're losing sight of our roots.'

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

"It's just that your acts of kindness are so random."

"'A land of milk and honey'? - But I'm on a DIET!"

"Is it me, or does the old man still look angry at us for denting his Cadillac?"

"And remember, if you need anything I'm available 24/6."

"You name it, and he had a donor card for it."

'Alice, call the emergency doctor! I just thought 'Hey, I've made enough money!''

"If you didn't want to feel inferior to your classmates, you shouldn't have gone to such a good school."

"Look, Dad, I can explain my report card... Maybe I'm not the best student in the world...maybe I'll never be as good as you want me to be... Maybe..."

"I wish he could have been here to hear all those wonderful lies they told about him."

"I see here several good deeds that seem to have gone unpunished."

"Well, it certainly is nice to know someone's looking out for us old folks!"

Overcoming obstacles on life's journey.

'But what if we are at the top of our game?'

'There's something to be said for being in the lowly 1-percent group in today's economy...right?'

"I really enjoyed the Bible."

Moses as a boy scout.

"I bet that under your preachy, holier-than-thou attitude is another preachy, holier-than-thou attitude."

'God's dead. We're closed.'

'We don't help ladies across the street anymore. Can't afford the liability insurance.'

"Everything I have, son, I have because your grandfather left it to me. I see now that that was a bad thing."

"Someday I want to be rich enough to get rid of everything and live like a monk."

"But dear, how can you be the Bluebird of Happiness when you're so bitchy all the time?"

"I looked at a woman's bottom after laughing at an ironic racism joke, then I got into an argument with a guy about his religion. When I got home my dog looked at me as if I was Hitler!!..."

The Origin of Creationism

'No donation is too small. Just fold it up and drop it in.'

God watches people through binoculars while keeping track of their good and bad deed.