Reputation Reflector Pillows

"I wish he could have been here to hear all those wonderful lies they told about him."

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"When it comes to loving someone, I never seem to get it right."

"On a clear night when the stars are twinkling over the city, I almost don’t mind that civilization collapsed."

Sportswasher's

'THAT'S the Holy Land? - You're kidding, right?'

"Your mind is somewhere else." "My mind is somewhere else."

'I'm writing a novel using our marriage as inspiration. It's called, 'This Sucks'.'

'Don't take it the wrong way, we could always be friends'

"I love it when you quote my blog back to me."

"The perfect killing machine? Is that all I am to you?"

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

"Sorry Honey, I'll be about thirty years late for dinner tonight."

"Martin, did we ever get our freak on?"

I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp. Really? Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that? They post "reviews" that don't have even a hint of negativity. Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: "House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate."

'This is really going to tarnish his legacy, Al.'

'How does it make you feel when he doesn't acknowledge all the hard work you put into gathering?'

"Lucky!"

"How is it that Mick Jagger still has the energy to be Mick Jagger, but you're exhausted just from being you."

Are you getting enough "me" time, Al? Oh, more than enough, Doctor

'A role model? Yes, I suppose he was. Everywhere he went, people would say 'That's Bill Fenton... You don't want to be that guy!''

"My dating life has come down to choosing between bad breath and bad credit."

"'A land of milk and honey'? - But I'm on a DIET!"

"And remember, if you need anything I'm available 24/6."

'I think we're on different career paths.'

"No land women want me, so I'm off to try my hand in the sea."

"For the experiencing self or the remembering self?" "That was nice."

"I wish we had a diary room - someone who would listen to me."

"That's just my memory mattress."

Sinner/Devout.

"Twenty years ago, I invited you in for a nightcap. I now retract that invitation."

'Alice, call the emergency doctor! I just thought 'Hey, I've made enough money!''

"When I think about my mom, it hurts here."

'In view of the crap you talk, I'd suggest to take this, sir, before you get sued for environmental pollution.'