Good Behavior Advocate Gifts

Santa Claus's Mail

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

You don't believe I could be a supreme court justice! You're ruining my self-esteem! F.Y.I? � Whiny tirades don't look good on a supreme court justice's record. Thank you for your candid assessments. I will certainly consider their merits. Fine judicial temperament. And reject them for their shallow insensitivity! Rejection overruled.

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

Slavery Reparations

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

Emoticon Encouragement Therapy

"Discussion topic: Is our society becoming less civil and more violent?"

'We're getting back to first principles...which means we're going to have some.'

Always remember...you're the best you in the world.

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."

Anonymous Donations

"Honestly, doing the right thing is going to be a big change for us."

'The treasury decided to use bob geldof's speechwriter this year!'

"I mind my mother, eat my broccoli and do my homework, but you won't tell the guys, will you?"

Free-range C.E.O.s

"Everything I know about being human I learned from animals."

'Astonishing! I just used a compass to follow the moral course of our company!'

"They took my pellets, man, I been hitting' that lever al day, they took my PELLETS!"

Heart shaped man exercising with weights.

Cleaning Out the WildLife for New Residential Construction.

'This is one of the drawbacks to leading by example.'

"If you work hard, exploit your employees, take advantage of a pandemic, use loopholes to avoid taxes,hoard your wealth, and in an act of extreme self-indulgent meaningless vanity, you can someday be an astronaut."

'It's someone from the Society for Ethical Treatment of Principals asking for a donation.'

'The Polite Lions' - a new sim game - "We've already got chairs, thank you."

Corporate Responsibility - All front with nothing behind it.

"Even my mother and father never believed in me."

Body Shaming

Cull people who talk and text during a concert you've paid good money to see.

'I thought the whistle-blowers showed up after we were finished.'

"Be honest, Ralph, does my butt makes these pants look big?"

'That, sir - that dismissive little hand wave? It's way too Enron.'

'It looks pretty flimsy, but I'm a gentleman: After you dear...'

"We're an oversight committee, but we do it more in the sense of overlooking."

'They're using honey to draw us out. Fortunately, they underestimate our willpower.'