Golfing Cynic Pillows

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

'This Libor rate scandal gives new meaning to the term 'Fixed'-rate mortgage.'

Banker stepping into 'New image' in 'Savings and Loans' office

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

"You have a good lie."

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

'I go to college -- What do you do for a living?'

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

The Fed: Problems and the solution.

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

'Team spirit, my ass.'

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

The first accurate poll.

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

'I know Joe's sight isn't all that but the captain's not going to like it.'

'Good job on screwing up the economy. Now make global warming worse.'

TOLD YOU TO TAKE LESSONS FROM GOLF PRO

"I hate golf. There's something unnatural about a game where the lowest score wins."

'I can remember when banks competed for customers...Now its shareholders.'

"The difference between criminal geniuses and politicians is none of them are geniuses."

Finally, a news network that doesn't fill me up...it's 97 fact free!

"You can't put a price on all those years of marriage." "Au contraire!"

'Remind me, what should I be thanking my lucky stars for?'