Golf Practice Buff Gifts

'I know I'd be a better putter if I could see the ball!'

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"Wait! Don't start the chase now: I need to stretch first!:

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"I told him he should have trained more."

'C'mon, c'mon! I want to be the first one on the stair-climbing machine!'

Motivation to Keep Fit.

Pollyanna, the Hamster

'Hey look I got a free newspaper with my wallchart of north sea molluscs aand DVD of elbow stretching excercises.'

"When did everybody stop jogging?"

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

Mike had learnt by heart the whole training manual, apart from the most important bit.

'This training session is all about challenging assumptions. For example you see someone looking depressed, dishevelled, unkempt it's easy to jump to conclusions. But they may not be a social worker, they may be a client!'

'He's got a good attitude, and he's tall. But he's got to get into the weight room.'

The tortoise and the hare are in a shoe store trying on shoes in preparation for their race.

Fitness Course.

"In my workout this morning I hit a new personal best, but on a seasonally adjusted basis, my numbers actually fell."

'Young players have a tendency to forget fundamentals over the winter.'

'I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I had the whitest teeth!'

"Steroids."

'Soon as your endorphins kick in, you'll feel great.'

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

"Oh, we're not bouncers. We just can't fit through the door."

"I've been working exclusively on my core."

Today's seminar is going to be so much fun...

Arm wrestling champion. (man in wheelchair).

"This should be good! I switched his discus with a frisbee!"

'Eating again. What's happened to your weight lifting?'

'Can't you spell? This is 'muscle beach.' You want 'M-U-S-S-E-L Beach.''

"...and I'm an incredibly flexible gymnast. If you get my drift..."

"What the hell happened in P.E.?"