Golf Etiquette Visionary Gifts

'May I play through please?'

'I hope you replace your divots.'

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

"You have a good lie."

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

A Lovely Afternoon of Crazy Golf

'Now, Perkins, hit my ball straight down the fairway for about 300 yards.'

Meditating on a 4th for golf!

'Tell me the truth,Rodney - you've moved the hole haven't you!'

Apres Golf

"Hey! If you're gonna use the ladies tee that skirt goes below the knees. And lose the tank top, mister."

'Bobby, I'll need the 12 gauge for this shot.'

It is important that the aspiring golfer learns the meaning of certain golfing terms, so that he can understand what his fellow sportsmen are saying to him.

'I am so very frustrated! I know it's hard for you to understand, but you don't know the golf course.'

'It's really tough to read. You're going to have to just go with your gut, Steve.'

'No money. I just want that hysterical outfit you're wearing.'

'Give a man a ball, and he golfs for a day, Teach a man to scoop a ball and he golfs for a lifetime,'

"Don't worry about John. He just went to a hypnotist to improve his game."

"That's a lovely tee-shot." - "Well, thank you, it matches my underpants."

'Let him play thru, Harry.'

The Educated Golfer or The Instinctive Golfer

'Every Sunday I thank God that I'm an atheist!'

"They look pretty angry Bob! We should consider letting them play through..."

'Thanks to everyone who golfed in my golfing outing...even the guys who beat me for hitting into them without yelling four.'

Guru to guru playing golf: 'I don't think you're cut out for this life'.

"Rule number one, never laugh!"

"If you're so enlightened, how come you can't lick that slice?"

"And make sure ya mobiles are off!"

It's awfully windy out here, Frank! Yeah

"The book said I should place the ball opposite my left armpit. So I put it in my right armpit."

'If it's still rolling, Ron, it's not lost.'

"In this tournament we have created a different level of difficulty."

'I think I see your problem...you're standing too close to the ball...after you hit it.'