Golf Enthusiast Gifts

"I'm sorry dear - I've lost the little ball down the little hole again."

'I'm sure it is comfortable. But you really should use a golf cart like the rest of us.'

"Let me just tap this in, Greg, then you can putt out."

Silence on the golf course.

A Golfer's Funeral

'Tell me the truth,Rodney - you've moved the hole haven't you!'

"I'm counting that as a stroke for each time you went around."

"This putt is worth $75,000 - certainly more than enough for a decent suit of clothes, a haircut and a set of real golf clubs!"

'Yes Sir, you're absolutely right, you can never stop learning - in fact I'm on a course right now.'

'I'll look for the ball. You look for the club.'

"I asked for a sand wedge!"

'When he started this shot, that wasn't a sand trap... it was just a divot.'

'Hole in one!!!!'

"Call it a hunch...but I don't think he feels too confident."

Danger! Litigators, retrieve golf balls at your own risk.

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

'Kinda bumpy eh? We must be in the rough!'

'L.'Pee'.G.A.'

'Keep playing like that and you'll strike oil!'

"And if the golf area of the brain was somehow destroyed, there might be a little something extra in it for you."

'This is a very unforgiving golf course.'

'Congratulations! You broke two hundred!'

'I'll be back later, Marge. I'm going out to build some humility.'

"I am afraid Mr. Jones is in his career coaching session. Can I get him to call you back?"

'No, they're not a bribe, Inspector. They just don't fit me.'

'I hate the water hazard on this hole!'

'Yeah, maybe the course is still a little too wet to play on!'

'Excellent swing. Wonderful form. Beatuiful followthrough...too bad you missed the ball.'

'Why am I not surprised?'

'I couldn't break 100, so I bought new clubs and took lessons and now I can't break 120!'

'Ok, heads up! I'm swinging my sand wedge, and - yes! - I hit it out of the bunker!'

Bob has a hard time spotting a diamond in the rough.

'To control his blood pressure, his doctor said he needs to take his medication, watch his diet and improve his golf game.'

Do you want to win the game or my business?

The Dangers of Golf.