Goldilocks Enthusiast Pillows

'But then after eating the porridge, all those carbs kicked in...'

"I'm going for a walk, while this cools. Whatever you do, don't let any, little blonde girls near it!"

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

"We're following Carrot Top."

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

Knight feeding his kids.

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

Getting to Know You

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

'Isn't it cute the way they compete so hard?'

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

TV jester.

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

Joust Sharpener

"The knights of the round accent table"

"Oh great, the printer is down."

Knights of the bedside table.

'When I met him he was all bright and shiny - now he's a rust bucket.'

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

underwater knight

'Good work pulling the sword from the stone. Now, how 'bout loosening the lid on the magic pickle jar?'

In case of emergency - use tin opener...

'He's been brought in to save the company.'

Sir gawain had been duped....it was a damson in distress

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'