Goldfish Gifts

"Sad, isn't it? And he won't admit he has a problem."

'Your specialist subject...things that have happened in the last three seconds.'

'Why?? Why did you put that in?? We don't even own a dog!'

'There goes the world's largest fish.' (fish bowl)

"Same."

Fish has sign on tank that reads 'Next bowl please'.

"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose."

Cat fish.

'So what have you been up to?'

Sleeping Fish.

'Where's your goldfish?'

'I tell you they switched us when they changed the water. That's my husband over there.'

"I think we are overfeeding the fish!"

"Wait a minute! It's not good to go swimming right after eating!"

Goldfish stare at a fish on a TV screen.

"Okay boys. The coast is clear. Time to jump to freedom."

"He's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes...like a DOLL'S EYES!!"

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

'I was hoping for a better bonus this year.'

Overeaters anonymous meeting today at 5:00.

Man fishing in goldfish bowl - "Its always been the same with you Norman.. No ambition."

I read on Candorville.com that was rank 29,705th in the world when it comes to attention spans. What? Aren't there only 196 countries? The article didn't just include human countries. It included the various animal kingdoms and the plant republics. Did you know that Americans have an eight-second attention span ... but the goldfish who live in little Lionel Brown's aquarium kingdom at 1492 MLK Way in Candorville have a nine-second attention span? Are you sure you weren't reading a humor column?

"Why... do goldfish have such a short memory span? We don't – there isn't anything to remember if all you do is swim around in circles all day long."

"We have to get out of here! They're saying boil ALL water!"

"This place could use a moat!"

"This isn't what I had in mind, when you said you were going to buy me some waterfront property."

Fishbowl Rebellion

Hope and pray it's nothing more than a 'Spectator Sport'!'

"Take the goldfish. If it's still alive in six months, call us for another interview."

'Well, I think it's dreadful coming home and taking it out on poor Freddy like that.'

"I don't know how to tell you this, Honey, so I'm going to come right out and say it. ... Your goldfish ran away."

"Here he comes! Don't move."

'My ultimate ambition is a large pond.'

'Do you mind if I have a friend spend the night?'