Goldfish Fan Gifts

I don't know why I love rainy days. I just do.

"Yes, my memory is bad too: That's why I keep a journal..."

"Fish needs a bigger bowl."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

Fish with a human in a bowl.

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

Fish Tank Label - Corporation Fish

I told you we were late!

'They took my Science Fair Award away. They said I ate too much fish, which is brainfood. So, it was like I was on mental steroids.'

'I was hoping for a better bonus this year.'

'I just know I'm going to get a bite soon.'

"Larry, nooo! Don't look into the BOWL!!!"

'Next!'

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

'Well, back to the old drawing board.'

Overeaters anonymous meeting today at 5:00.

'Those fish-oil treatments doing your arthritis any good?'

'Oh my! He finally proposed!'

Man fishing in goldfish bowl - "Its always been the same with you Norman.. No ambition."

'You've got to help my son, Doctor — he's joined a cult that crawls up on beaches!'

'Too bad we're not pay-per-view.'

I read on Candorville.com that was rank 29,705th in the world when it comes to attention spans. What? Aren't there only 196 countries? The article didn't just include human countries. It included the various animal kingdoms and the plant republics. Did you know that Americans have an eight-second attention span ... but the goldfish who live in little Lionel Brown's aquarium kingdom at 1492 MLK Way in Candorville have a nine-second attention span? Are you sure you weren't reading a humor column?

Fresh fish

'The worst thing about it is I'm claustrophobic.'

"Why... do goldfish have such a short memory span? We don't – there isn't anything to remember if all you do is swim around in circles all day long."

'So what have you been up to?'

"This place could use a moat!"

Fish mobsters.

"We have to get out of here! They're saying boil ALL water!"

Sea Horse outside saloon

'To think we used to complain about a little flotsam and jetsam.'