Gold Digger Humor Gifts

'I married him for his money and believe me I earned EVERY penny!'

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

Man commiting suicide finds the treasure at the bottom of the sea.

Bird collecting furniture for it's home.

'Now all this stuff will finally begin to pay for itself - here's the formula for transmuting lead into gold.'

'We're getting closer - That's a goldfish.'

"I asked you to send me over a prospectus!"

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

"The good news is that you inherit Mr. Brumble's entire estate, Miss Finster. The bad news is that he owes an outstanding balance to your plastic surgeon!"

Put it in petty cash.

"I'm here to gets the gold"

"Slow down. This stuff is gold, I’m tellin’ ya! Gold!"

"I don't know how to tell you this, Honey, so I'm going to come right out and say it. ... Your goldfish ran away."

"He's very well off. He's got all the quantities I admire."

Georgius Agricola: "My interest in gold was enhanced.greatly...help me as I go prospecting in the wilds."

'We seem to have more money for little luxuries since Timothy started working from home.'

'You're too heavy on metals and too light on equities.'

How to find gold.

Keep digging till you hit the bottom line...

"Curly-Bill! Git over here... nuggets as big as yer corns!"

Avocado Prices

Medieval Tabloid. The royal spokesman said everything King Midas touches turns to gold. Gilt by association!

"Gee Hank, you've found comedy gold."

'It's mine ... all mine! Wonder if there's enough to pay off my student loans.'

"Do you mind?!"

'And I'm pleased to report that your gold futures are panning out.'

'In other news, gold is headed higher, according to some fool who's put every last dollar into gold stocks and futures.'

Taxman takes money from Man doing up a house

'Oh yes, it was definitely love at first sight. From the moment I set eyes on his credit rating.'

'I'd like a joint account with a millionaire please.'

'Unfortunately this lab is funded only by as much gold as we can make from lead.'

"Of course I hope to find gold. But my real goal is spiritual growth and inner peace."

"George, there's a man here who wants to lease our backyard."

Some old men are filthy with money or without money.

"What's the best machine to use to meet hot chicks?"