Going Through A Separation Gifts

"Susan!...are you trying to tell me we have an interface problem?"

'When my psychiatrist told my wife that I had a split perosnality, guess what she did?'

'Hello, postal service? My girlfriend and me got caught by my wife and she told me to go to hell. Can you forward my letters to there?'

'So how about it, handsome? You must be joking. You're old enough to be my wife.'

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

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"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

Can we talk about our attorney-client relationship?

'Of course I hired Andrew. He's the best divorce lawyer around! Unfortunately, he's also the rat I want to get divorced from...'

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"Oddly enough I'm flattered my wife's attorney thinks I'm so successful."

"I'll bet there's a story there."

Separations.

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

"I'm leaving you, Steven....It's all there in my text message."

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

"We'll less than two metres again, don't know where, don't know when..."

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

"I want out, Laura."

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"While we've got the chance, Dad, we'd like to thank you for these little glimpses of you we've had through the years!"

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

"I'm not a vindictive person, Charles. When your chickens do come home to roost I hope they're free range chickens."