God's Advocate Gifts

God is dead.

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

Grace For Flies

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

Snow Devil

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"We need to think outside the pentangle."

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

"Coronavirus, masks requirements, falling test scores, student violence - we need to be able to pray in school!"

"Dave, quick word about religious symbols in the workplace..."

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"Nixon was the same way when he first got here."

Route 666

'Have you done something to your air? You look different?'

Devil's Tower Park. Ernie, this nice ranger has offered to show us the basement gift shop.

The Earth studying our cities with much interest

"I told you to pack a damned sweater."

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

'You think this is hot. Try having hot flashes, too.'

The first microscope capable of seeing the number of angels dancing on the head of a pin.

'I see the rain forest has been downgraded to the 'scattered showers' forest.'

The Destruction of the Environment

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

"Where do you see yourself in five years? Haha, just kidding!"

Religious texts from heaven and hell find common ground...they are made in China.

'I know you don't belong here, but if we let you go to Heaven, we couldn't not guarantee your safety.'

'I chose here since heaven won't allow you to take your bonus and golden parachute with you.'

"I do like it here, but I'm ready for my own apartment."

'It's a silent protest.'

'I'm putting you in charge of past due accounts.'

"If you want my opinion you're damned if you do and damned if you don't."

'Let me guess - a toastmaster?'

"Can I see that 'National Law Journal' when you're through with it?"