Goal-scoring Genius Pillows

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

Football

Boy with bat using toaster to launch bread for him to practise hitting

"They play union in heaven... where do they play football?"

'Oh, we don't keep score in our marriage, Dr. Downs, but if we did, I'd be winning 212 to 137.'

"Okay, you got this! Who introduced the theory of punctuated equilibrium?"

Goal

Psyche Delia

Wilfried Zaha

"Seeing as you've been so generous giving goals away lately, you're down to play Santa at the Christmas party!"

"I'm so grateful to play for this fantastic club....a childhood dream come true!"

"I told you my lucky pennies would work."

"So you used to be in a darts team?"

Strikeout Dog

'Some day, people will wonder what these goal posts were.'

'He still can't manage to get into the box.'

'They only keep him in the team because of his famous WAG!'

'If I could pick as many winners as he picks balls out of net - I'd be a rich man.'

'Any idea how united got on?'

"12 isn't a bad score on the hole. You did stray and some of those windmills are quite tricky!"

Football crowd cheer when goalie makes a save.

'No wonder they call him the Cat - he gives the defence kittens!'

Sadio Mane

Footballer's Wages

I don't get it. You can make a goal from one end of the field to the other, but you can't hit the laundry basket six inches away.

'Well, you're right, you're not touching the ball with your hands, so the Ref can't penalize you...'

"According to the statistics more people look at cricket statistics then watch the game."

Jesus Saves