Goal-scoring Genius T-Shirts

David Beckham

Football

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

Boy with bat using toaster to launch bread for him to practise hitting

"They play union in heaven... where do they play football?"

'Oh, we don't keep score in our marriage, Dr. Downs, but if we did, I'd be winning 212 to 137.'

"Okay, you got this! Who introduced the theory of punctuated equilibrium?"

Wilfried Zaha

Goal

Psyche Delia

"Seeing as you've been so generous giving goals away lately, you're down to play Santa at the Christmas party!"

"So you used to be in a darts team?"

"I'm so grateful to play for this fantastic club....a childhood dream come true!"

"I told you my lucky pennies would work."

Harry Kewell

Strikeout Dog

Ryan Giggs

'Some day, people will wonder what these goal posts were.'

Where are they now? Paul Henderson.

"12 isn't a bad score on the hole. You did stray and some of those windmills are quite tricky!"

'Any idea how united got on?'

'If I could pick as many winners as he picks balls out of net - I'd be a rich man.'

'He still can't manage to get into the box.'

'They only keep him in the team because of his famous WAG!'

Luis Suarez

"Oh, no! I typed up all my New Year's Resolutions without saving copies, only to drop them in the shredder by accident! Now I'll never remember them! How clumsy of me! Oh, well!"

"According to the statistics more people look at cricket statistics then watch the game."

Sadio Mane

'Well, you're right, you're not touching the ball with your hands, so the Ref can't penalize you...'

Footballer's Wages

'No wonder they call him the Cat - he gives the defence kittens!'

I don't get it. You can make a goal from one end of the field to the other, but you can't hit the laundry basket six inches away.

Football crowd cheer when goalie makes a save.