Goal-cheering Gourmet T-Shirts

A football fan is distracted from cooking by a goal.

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

Stand back - while I whip something up

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

Man eating his meal with his feet.

Salvador Deli

'According to my count, he sticked 23, gloved 18 and ate 5.'

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

"Doctor, before we start you've got to promise me that I don't have to give up anything."

'Of course I'd never have so much as looked at Timothy if it wasn't for his nose for truffles.'

"It was a lovely holiday. The chips crispy and delicious, the ice cream cornets were to die for, the only downside being, the hostility of the humans, who were reluctant to share their sustenance."

Pizza Fencing

"Some volcano roll!"

Lunch Broker

'I add the juice of one bottle of brandy.'

"If you tasted like a Umami, where would you be hiding?"

'These are exquisite! You simply must give me your recipe.'

'The 89's are very forward with meat on the nose and a lingering marrow-bone finish.'

'Just let it go, kid... You knew this line of work has its risks.'

'So what's it to be, Indian cuisine, Chinese take out or are you going to do the usual Russian Roulette?'

'Don't give up hope - Anthony Bourdain is bound to show up sooner or later.'

Christmas canape?

"You'll find out what the chef's surprise is when you get your bill."

"You call this pigswill food?"

'I'd appreciate it if you'd order the Chef's surprise. We don't get all that much excitement around here.'

'What...and you take the plunge to call this a gourmet restaurant??!'

You complimented the chef on his dumplings-now he wishes to return the compliments!

"Waiter. This steak tartare is undercooked!"

"It was ok, but could be improved by cooking!"

"Okay - This is your last chance to back out."

"We're in for a real treat tonight. Freddy's preparing his blackened swordfish."

"I prefer my pineapples in Colada form."

"Once the animal has been rendered lifeless, the rest is quite simple."