Gluten-dodger Pillows

"Sergio, just for you, I made this cake glucose free.... I don't know how to make glucose free."

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"....and hold the garlic."

"Don't bother gathering carbs for me, I'm on the Paleo diet."

"Enlightenment can only come when you realize there is more to life than gluten free hot sauce."

'I knew I needed help when I started going to fast food places only at night so I wouldn't have to share with sea gulls.'

Also I don't like coffee, so I'll be working through my coffee breaks.

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

"My doctor thinks I should lose weight but everyone at the doughnut shop said she's crazy."

Revenuers will be shot.

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

"I had to bite him once, but now I always get a great table."

"Mom, don't believe it. It's Fake News."

"Accursed global warming!"

"Dora's anxiety has always manifested itself in the 'flight response.'"

Man Gagging In A Restaurant.

"It's a new app that warns me of anything that has pumpkin spice in it."

"Severe lactose intolerance - he can't even look at a cow."

'Keep your eyes straight ahead and you can make it!'

'Bless this spinach, albeit the work of the devil.'

"Could you take your finger off the pulse for one moment and let me know what you'd like for dinner?"

"I see Rover has introduced himself to you?"

"I am sticking to the diet. This is just a fat jumper."

'Crystal! You didn't duck and cover! If this wasn't just a drill and I had been a real deranged fan, you'd be soaked in beer right now!'

It's always such a relief when the first resolution falls!

"Baldo? You left green beans on your plate!"

Dieter's 'To-Do' list...

Midnight Snack

'Are you completely covered in case you get hit by a coconut?'

Spoilers

Extremely Lactose Intolerant