Healthy Dish Dodger Pillows

'Bless this spinach, albeit the work of the devil.'

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"I hope we can sell everything before it's time for mom to make dinner."

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

"My doctor thinks I should lose weight but everyone at the doughnut shop said she's crazy."

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

'I have decided to get serious about losing weight. I moved the refrigerator out of the bedroom.'

Motivation

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

"Caution! This tomato soup combined with our chicken noodle soup can form a lethal nerve gas."

"I'm binge ignoring everything you're binge watching."

'You thought having 'flu would get you out of doing the dishes.'

Reasons to avoid training No 234 - "I was on my way to the gym but then I heard that the DOW JONES had fallen 2.5%."

'Dinner.'

'I see you are cutting back on your salt intake.'

"Accursed global warming!"

"Sergio, just for you, I made this cake glucose free.... I don't know how to make glucose free."

Man Gagging In A Restaurant.

'Forget the water, give me some golf clubs. I haven't swung a club in days.'

"Oh look... You don't know how to wash dishes. I guess you don't ever have to wash them again."

'You can uncover your eyes now, dear. The dessert cart is out of sight.'

"Severe lactose intolerance - he can't even look at a cow."

"Brian's New Year's resolution is to spend more time on the treadmill."

"I am sticking to the diet. This is just a fat jumper."

"I ate all the wrong things today."

"Could you take your finger off the pulse for one moment and let me know what you'd like for dinner?"

It's always such a relief when the first resolution falls!

Midnight Snack

'Do the dishes? Pleease, today's Labor Day.'