Gluten Debunker Pillows

"With religion and politics off the table, the only thing left to argue about is gluten."

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"Do you think the flat earth society has members round the globe?"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

Complex Carbs

"If you eat gluten, we have a ton of it in the back."

"My previous patient thought he was a cruise missile."

"There's our cure for the munchies! Gluten, we love your pizza!!" "You're our hero, gluten."

'My first drink since my accident.'

'Ever since I had a disease named after me, people seem to keep their distance.'

"Your compulsive talk about crazy diets, get rich schemes, and mail order drugs -- your pacemaker's been hacked and you're spamming."

Weight Loss Clinic: 100% guaranteed.

"Fortunately treatment will be relatively inexpensive since you have the generic form of the disease!"

"None of our items are gluten-free, but they are prepared by people who are."

A woman stops at a building directory sign for Centers for Diseases.

Covid Juggling

'It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your willpower is?'

'You can't get swine flu from your piggy bank!'

"My mom said I can't come here anymore." "What? Why not, Billy?" "She said she sends me here to get hot chocolate, not to get bad relationship advice." "What 'bad' advice? All my advice is solid gold." "You told me to call the IRS with an anonymous tip about Andrea Wheaton's father avoiding taxes, so next time he tells her I'm a bad influence he'll look like a hypocrite." "That didn't work?"

It turns out celiac disease is thousands of years old. Yet I still never heard about "gluten" till recently. What do you think that means, Randy? It obviously means big wheat has some explaining to do. They must've altered the grains. I don't know. Maybe it's because our environment has gotten cleaner. So since our antibodies haven't had to work as hard, they've gotten weaker. HOJ. If there's one thing you'd know about, little buddy, it's atrophy. We should have our own science show.

"This was supposed to be 'Gluten-Free Comedy Night.' Which means no wheat jokes."

Obese guy looking a shelf labelled 'Free Fat Food'.

The Problem

'...You've got no game.'

"In health news, everything you thought was good for you is now bad for you."

"Fasting means you stop eating. It doesn't mean to eat your food faster."

"I hope this isn't one of those, glutten-free, places."

'Like most diets you can eat as much as you like of food you can't stand!'

Excuse me. I have the most important announcement of my life. A scientific study shows that women who cut down on fat don't necessarily reduce their chances of heart attack or cancer. Thus I have a new two-pronged life strategy. Prong one: Eat as many french fries as I possibly can. Prong two: Remind the men in my life that the study only applies to women. Give me your fries or perish!!! I hate science. What if I wear a dress?

The Genius of Science-Denial

"I gave up red meat, but replaced it with extra caffeine and Gluten."

"And folds. . . this amazing product is endorsed by President Trump hisself. . ."

"Grandma, if an apple-a-day really did keep the doctor away... the surgeon general would find that apples cause cancer!"

'And who was this 'Friend' who told you about the magic sausage roll diet?'