Gluten-conscious Foodie Gifts

"Run! It's Armagluten!"

But is it organic?

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

Child Sells Gluten Free Mudpies

'Diet considerations.'

"Hide the file in one of your gluten-free cakes – so the guards won't eat it."

'Non-alcohol beer, unsalted potato chips and tofu hot dogs? Why did you accept a party invitation from a cardiologist?'

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

"Hmm...any dietary restrictions?"

'Trade you lunches?'

"Is everything all right? Any reactions to the irradiated carrots, the transgenic tomatoes, or the antibiotics in the chicken?"

'Gretel, she's lying. It's not gluten free!'

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

"Enlightenment can only come when you realize there is more to life than gluten free hot sauce."

"One slice—hold the bread."

"We couldn't find a raw-vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-G.M.O. cake for your birthday, so we got you nothing."

"Tonight's specials include beef wellington (long regarded as a major source of cholesterol and saturated fat), Cajun-style swordfish (suspected of containing PCBs and toxic metals), and chicken teriyaki (recent increase in the incidence of salmonella whi

"And for all you people with food allergies, this next song's lyrics contain no gluten or peanuts."

Complex Carbs

"I'd like a vanilla cupcake with buttercream icing on the side."

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

Food that is good for you and food that is good for drug companies.

"If you eat gluten, we have a ton of it in the back."

"It appears your high sodium bacon is playing havoc with your blood pressure."

"There's our cure for the munchies! Gluten, we love your pizza!!" "You're our hero, gluten."

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

'Not only can we build it for the same price as any other gingerbread house, but we can do it for 40% less carbs and no trans fats!'

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

'How do we know he's gluten-free?'

'The health plate is low in sodium, cholesterol, and sugar -- the downside is that it's high in styrofoam.'