Gluten Avoider Pillows

"Trying to remove gluten from your life is easier said than done."

Bakery. Your doctor put you on a no-bread diet? Yeah, I'm following the path of yeast resistance.

Garlic Free Zone.

Child Sells Gluten Free Mudpies

"Mummy said dinner was brussels sprouts tonight. What about we drop by the park and see if the old man sitting on the bench can feed us instead?"

I'd like a mocha almond vanilla latte...hold the coffee.

"Mouse? No. They contain cheese and I'm lactose intolerant."

"Our new treadmill is easy to use, you just set it to the speed setting that's most comfortable for you."

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"Hide the file in one of your gluten-free cakes – so the guards won't eat it."

"Hmm...any dietary restrictions?"

Give me a child at seven and I will show you the MAN!

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

The Candy Shop. Anytime I eat candy it immediately goes to my mid-section. No time to waist!

"Enlightenment can only come when you realize there is more to life than gluten free hot sauce."

"One slice—hold the bread."

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"

'Your back went out because your front went out.'

'Alice are you dating me only because you don't feel like cooking?'

What can I get you? Ham sandwich with extra cheese. Double banana split. Side of sugar. Coming up, sir. I am abandoning my New Year's diet! If you're gonna go down, go down in flames. Burn these gym clothes!

"If you eat gluten, we have a ton of it in the back."

'It's not that I'm stupid. I'm lactose intolerant and on a diet.'

"There's our cure for the munchies! Gluten, we love your pizza!!" "You're our hero, gluten."

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

'How do we know he's gluten-free?'

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

"20% of medical opinion may change every five years...but it won't be the 20% that says smoking 20 a day and being 5 stone overweight is bad for you!"

Congressional Gym. I never need to go in there. I get plenty of exercise kicking the can down the road.

"How could they possibly know it's gluten-free, low gi. . . ?"

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

'Maybe she's gluten intolerant.'

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

"The gluten's back. And it's pissed."

'You get the diet book which you won't read, the exercise bar you won't use and the workout CD which you won't watch, for only $29.99.'