Globetrotter's Giggles Pillows

Easter Island.

My God, I need to fart.

Travelling

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

"Arr, we found your luggage, Captain."

Parachuting bishop.

'Any bargains going South?' (Bird asks travel agent).

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

A woman knits from a globe.

Australasia.

'We'd like to visit a peaceful police state away from any terror treats.'

'If this is a non-stop flight, how do we get off?'

"The government wants an international economy... Bosses on N.Y. salaries and everyone else on Mumbai wages."

"Why are you cancelling your trip to Switzerland?"

"You are going on a long journey. You will throw your back out putting your bag in the overhead. You will never recover from jet lag. It will rain every day. You will lose your passport. Your flight home will be cancelled."

"Before you leave for your vacation, re-record your extended leave message. The one you just made is too giddy."

Beefsteak travel, hamburger budget.

'And this is the small print in your travel insurance...'

'Which vacation destination do you prefer: a country where Americans are feared, idolized, envied or hated? Or shall we just let that be a surpriese?'

'A cruise by air, sir, is called a 'tour'.'

'Luggage is luggage, sir -- just try to be happy with what you've got.'

Excess Baggage: Perhaps you should have washed those clothes before returning home form your overseas vacation.

'Your plane's been delayed 20 minutes...or however long it takes airplane glue to dry.'

London on £50 a meal

"You've got a lot of excess baggage."

'Brilliant, these 'no smiling' passports make identification so much easier.'

Bernie's passport photo was so bad, he was banned in sixteen countries for over five years.

'We had an all-inclusive-holiday. Bad weather, lousy food, arrogant waiters, crappy hotel and outrageous prices - all that was included.'

"We'd like 5 star accommodation but with some interesting poverty nearby."

'Yes, our cruises allow travellers to choose from several viruses...I mean, ports of call.'