Globetrotter's Giggles Gifts

Easter Island.

My God, I need to fart.

Airport. Luggage. Baggage. Traveling used to be much less complicated.

Travelling

The Family Joules: Part 5

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

Parachuting bishop.

"Arr, we found your luggage, Captain."

The Family Joules: Part 15

'Any bargains going South?' (Bird asks travel agent).

Join the Army! And see the world! Satellite reconnaissance photo analysis division.

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

The Family Joules: Part 8

A woman knits from a globe.

Australasia.

'If this is a non-stop flight, how do we get off?'

'We'd like to visit a peaceful police state away from any terror treats.'

"You are going on a long journey. You will throw your back out putting your bag in the overhead. You will never recover from jet lag. It will rain every day. You will lose your passport. Your flight home will be cancelled."

"The government wants an international economy... Bosses on N.Y. salaries and everyone else on Mumbai wages."

"Why are you cancelling your trip to Switzerland?"

How to deal with rude customers.

"Before you leave for your vacation, re-record your extended leave message. The one you just made is too giddy."

Beefsteak travel, hamburger budget.

'And this is the small print in your travel insurance...'

'Which vacation destination do you prefer: a country where Americans are feared, idolized, envied or hated? Or shall we just let that be a surpriese?'

Excess Baggage: Perhaps you should have washed those clothes before returning home form your overseas vacation.

'Luggage is luggage, sir -- just try to be happy with what you've got.'

'A cruise by air, sir, is called a 'tour'.'

'Your plane's been delayed 20 minutes...or however long it takes airplane glue to dry.'

'Brilliant, these 'no smiling' passports make identification so much easier.'

London on £50 a meal

Bernie's passport photo was so bad, he was banned in sixteen countries for over five years.

"You've got a lot of excess baggage."

'We had an all-inclusive-holiday. Bad weather, lousy food, arrogant waiters, crappy hotel and outrageous prices - all that was included.'

'You could get a bigger model, but you'd have to pay extra!'