Globetrotter With A Taste For Humor Pillows

London on £50 a meal

My God, I need to fart.

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

"Arr, we found your luggage, Captain."

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

"So how does New York stack up against Uzbekistan?"

Easter Island.

Australasia.

'If this is a non-stop flight, how do we get off?'

'We'd like to visit a peaceful police state away from any terror treats.'

"You are going on a long journey. You will throw your back out putting your bag in the overhead. You will never recover from jet lag. It will rain every day. You will lose your passport. Your flight home will be cancelled."

"Why are you cancelling your trip to Switzerland?"

In the wake of tourism...

'And this is the small print in your travel insurance...'

'Which vacation destination do you prefer: a country where Americans are feared, idolized, envied or hated? Or shall we just let that be a surpriese?'

Beefsteak travel, hamburger budget.

'A cruise by air, sir, is called a 'tour'.'

'Luggage is luggage, sir -- just try to be happy with what you've got.'

Excess Baggage: Perhaps you should have washed those clothes before returning home form your overseas vacation.

'Your plane's been delayed 20 minutes...or however long it takes airplane glue to dry.'

Bernie's passport photo was so bad, he was banned in sixteen countries for over five years.

Man Puts His Seatbelt on for a Literary Journey

'Brilliant, these 'no smiling' passports make identification so much easier.'

"You've got a lot of excess baggage."

'We had an all-inclusive-holiday. Bad weather, lousy food, arrogant waiters, crappy hotel and outrageous prices - all that was included.'

'You could get a bigger model, but you'd have to pay extra!'

'Yes, our cruises allow travellers to choose from several viruses...I mean, ports of call.'

"We'd like 5 star accommodation but with some interesting poverty nearby."

Bogga Springs - Twinned with Geneva

Failed Medical Tourism

Passport Controls