Global Conversationalist Gifts

"Hey, this is on me!"

Subway. The economy is surging! I hope protections are in place. In a digital world, a surge can lead to a system crash.

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

'Yak, yak, yak.'

The Modern Novel.

"Passengers, as we begin our descent, you may now suddenly act open and friendly to the person beside you."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

Woman on the phone.

"Nd how did tht mke u feel?"

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

"Did you speak to our client in Australia?"

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

Modern Narcissism

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

Orator translates in many languages.

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

'I just like tequila for the worm.'