Gigantic Food Fan Gifts

Bulk School Mince.

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"I can't give you a prescription for milk and cookies."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

Before/After

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

"Regular service or affected?"

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"Is the garbage fresh?"

The proper term for our special promotion is Triple Cheeseburger with a Gazillion fries...not the triple bypass special!

The miracle of 2-for-1 pizza.

'The two-pounds-burger menu includes chips, a large drink and an arteriosclerosis treatment.'

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

Now all meals contain 'Enzymate' for fast digestion.'

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

"You know, it really wasn’t that bad."

Supermarket Aisles: 'Good for the Environment' and 'Couldn't give a flying F@$#! about the environment!'

Sisyphus Pizza

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"Whoa! One last doughnut left."

'I didn't have time to hunt'

"The tiny red things were harvested from Frankie's bonsai tree."

That's my boss for you - a platitude with an attitude.

"You know they're trying too hard when the chef's special is Corn Dogs Bordelaise."

'Diet? Yeah I'm on a prop's diet...pies,chips,burgers and coke!'

"Welcome to the Bermudez family Christmas party!"

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

"So that's a triple burger with added cheese and relish... Would you like the complementary angioplasty with that?"

'I usually take my new clients to nicer places. But my expense account isn't what it used to be.'