Gift Planners Pillows

'After you ask him for the pony, ask him to pay for your college education.'

Airlines

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

Mr. Punch in Venice

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

Italia tours

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

"I'd like a partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens, 4 calling birds and 7 swans a swimming."

Heading off with a packed bag

Babies.

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

Wizard of Oz - repeat fees

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

Excess Baggage: Sooner or later all those vacation bills come due.

"I'll be there in three 'All Too Well's."

"I know it’s a challenge, but it needs your input!" "...Your breadth of knowledge of different interest groups, religions...cultures!" "Right, so the staff Christmas meal will be a traditional lacto-vegan one at a Thai restaurant sometime in March?" "Do you think the Pagans will be OK with that?"

Man on beach realizes laying down flattens his stomach

Bad gifts

'No, no, no. You guys are way off! This isn't even the cat. You guys are on the dog.'

'We must have everything... this is all that's left!'

A tourist struggling with loads of luggage

'Let it go, Amy.'

"We can't go. We don't have enough carbon offset credits to get to the Grand Canyon."

'Well, I'll try, but cheese seems to be the 'must have gift' this year.'

"Well, all I know is he left on vacation to unwind... and he never wound-up again!"

"I'm going to need more minutes. I'm texting for two now!"

"I've been invited to two different thanksgivings...One with family, one with friends, which one do I go to?"

'I'm tired of sitting and staying.'

'Let's open presents Christmas Eve AND morning. That way Christmas lasts for TWO days.'