Gift Planners Gifts

'After you ask him for the pony, ask him to pay for your college education.'

Airlines

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

Mr. Punch in Venice

"Really! How many 'How to Survive the Festive Season' articles does one man need?"

Italia tours

Heading off with a packed bag

"I'd like a partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens, 4 calling birds and 7 swans a swimming."

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

Babies.

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

Wizard of Oz - repeat fees

"I know it’s a challenge, but it needs your input!" "...Your breadth of knowledge of different interest groups, religions...cultures!" "Right, so the staff Christmas meal will be a traditional lacto-vegan one at a Thai restaurant sometime in March?" "Do you think the Pagans will be OK with that?"

Excess Baggage: Sooner or later all those vacation bills come due.

Bad gifts

"I'll be there in three 'All Too Well's."

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

Man on beach realizes laying down flattens his stomach

'No, no, no. You guys are way off! This isn't even the cat. You guys are on the dog.'

'We must have everything... this is all that's left!'

A tourist struggling with loads of luggage

'Let it go, Amy.'

"We can't go. We don't have enough carbon offset credits to get to the Grand Canyon."

'Well, I'll try, but cheese seems to be the 'must have gift' this year.'

"Well, all I know is he left on vacation to unwind... and he never wound-up again!"

"I'm going to need more minutes. I'm texting for two now!"

'If that's my wife, pencil her in for Boxing Day.'

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

"What happened to the good old Jewish holidays when all we used to do was eat?"