Romantic Gift Planner Gifts

"Do you offer a buyer protection plan?"

'I sent out for everything.'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Just remember if we don't enjoy it we can claim it as a tax-deductible business meeting..."

"We have a song, but neither of us can remember it."

"Actually it's darling and I'm sure it would fit perfectly. It's just that I'm not a woman."

Bad gifts

'Well, I'll try, but cheese seems to be the 'must have gift' this year.'

"Say it with Pierogies"

'After you ask him for the pony, ask him to pay for your college education.'

'Tartar sauce?! Heavens no. My dentist would kill me.'

"Now let's share a moment of silence in memory of our portfolio."

"I'm not trying to change you. That's the personal trainer I hired's job."

"Yes, a surprise engagement. Even my husband-to-be here didn't know..."

"I haven't had smouldering, passionate sex for a while....could you put it in the diary for next week!"

"The usual. Dinner and a show...He bought dinner and I put on a show for him."

"I always ask for a pony for my birthday. I find it gives the most bargaining room."

'Come now - surely we can draw up this pre-nuptial agreement amicably.'

'I'm not complaining, but the last time you took me out to dinner, Colonel Sanders was a brunette!'

How to feel confident in love & war

'Look - forget I asked if you were free any evenings...'

'I couldn't afford flowers, but I got a really good deal on Kenny G.'

"Dave's a man of rare gifts... He buys me one, about every ten years."

'This beeper goes off when it's my Birthday. This beeper goes off on the day we met. This beeper goes off on Valentine's Day...'

Cupid's Heart Dartboard

"I think I prefer a hot Italian sun on my back and a hot Italian hand on my backside..."

Santa relaxes by Fire

'This dinner had everything necessary to make it perfect...Great food, candlelight, violinist... you clutching your chest after seeing the check.'

"Could you give me another minute? I'm not sure who's paying yet."

"Depending on how the next election plays out, we either get married at the botanical gardens or flee the country."

"I'm not sure. Maybe it's my wife's butt size I'm thinking of!"

"Why do I always have to get the cheese?"

The wedding-day - first anniversary.

"We look so happy. Do we really want to destroy that by traveling through Europe together?"

'Your double Impresso sir.'