Gift Planner Extraordinaire Pillows

"Dave's a man of rare gifts... He buys me one, about every ten years."

"First aid box, puncture repair kit, mobile phone, energy bars and plenty of liquids; I think that's all eventualities covered..."

'They're dog roses!'

Make your resolutions achievable.

Bad gifts

'You brought gold? I thought we agreed to a twenty dollar limit?'

'Well, I'll try, but cheese seems to be the 'must have gift' this year.'

Saleswoman holds mirror up to the backside of the bride's dress

Prenuptial Wedding Cake

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

'After you ask him for the pony, ask him to pay for your college education.'

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

"I want the contract to say that if we win a championship of any sort, no one spills champagne on my head."

"I always ask for a pony for my birthday. I find it gives the most bargaining room."

"It's a game where we roll the dice to see which destination wedding we should spend our savings on this year."

'I hope you came with a receipt.'

'Forget economy! Put us down for every frill you got!'

'Last week I got a lovely watch for my wife!'

"I'm going to need to make multiple stops."

Santa relaxes by Fire

inflation at Christmas

'My holiday season: A rich tradition of belated giving and premature babbling.'

'I like going to parties - invited or not.'

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

'Year after year I play Santa, and I still don't know how to give.'

'We're giving you one big present for your birthday and Christmas.'

'If you can't think of anything nice to say, how about a gift certificate?'

Flowers - "You got anything that says I put a lot of thought into this gift."

"For Christmas you got me a roll of wrapping paper? And you wrapped it?"

"I want to get him something for Christmas he's never had before."

"He's your rich uncle. What do you buy the caveman who's hunted and gathered everything?"

"If you're looking for something more expensive we can always raise the price?"

Nothing Personal: Gifts for your business adversaries.

Mall Directory asks, Where's your Christmas Spirit.

'Don't be silly, I like my sweaters a little big.'