Gift Planner Pillows

"I always ask for a pony for my birthday. I find it gives the most bargaining room."

'I've made a list of presents you could surprise me with this Christmas.'

Ask Sadie. Sadie, my wife deserves so much more than I can give her. What can I buy her for our upcoming 36th wedding anniversary? - Wayne. *Actual reader letter. The 36th wedding anniversary? Isn't that wood paneling? What? First is paper, second is cotton, third is leather, and so forth. But wood paneling? Stucco? She has no clue. But she intuits these are the remodeling years.

Bad gifts

'It's for my grandson.'

His and hers xmas gifts.

MOM'S DINER, ONLY 23 SHOPPING DAYS TILL MOTHER'S DAY!

Royal wedding gift list.

"To avoid stress in the future, tell me what gifts you would like for the next ten Christmases!"

"How am I supposed to tell my kids that Christmas has been pushed back to Easter because toys and gifts are on backorder?!"

I'll be good next year I promise.

Santa Claus's Mail

Airlines

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

Mr. Punch in Venice

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

"Really! How many 'How to Survive the Festive Season' articles does one man need?"

Italia tours

Heading off with a packed bag

"I'd like a partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens, 4 calling birds and 7 swans a swimming."

"What are you doing? It's Halloween. Not leaving your deliveries to the last minute this year?"

Babies.

'My secret? Stay away from Halloween candy.'

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

Wizard of Oz - repeat fees

"I'll be there in three 'All Too Well's."

North Pole twinned with Amazon

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

Man on beach realizes laying down flattens his stomach

Excess Baggage: Sooner or later all those vacation bills come due.