Gift Planner Extraordinaire T-Shirts

"Dave's a man of rare gifts... He buys me one, about every ten years."

'They're dog roses!'

Make your resolutions achievable.

Bad gifts

'You brought gold? I thought we agreed to a twenty dollar limit?'

'Well, I'll try, but cheese seems to be the 'must have gift' this year.'

Saleswoman holds mirror up to the backside of the bride's dress

Prenuptial Wedding Cake

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

'After you ask him for the pony, ask him to pay for your college education.'

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

"I want the contract to say that if we win a championship of any sort, no one spills champagne on my head."

"I always ask for a pony for my birthday. I find it gives the most bargaining room."

"It's a game where we roll the dice to see which destination wedding we should spend our savings on this year."

'Forget economy! Put us down for every frill you got!'

'Last week I got a lovely watch for my wife!'

"I'm going to need to make multiple stops."

'I like going to parties - invited or not.'

Santa relaxes by Fire

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

inflation at Christmas

'Year after year I play Santa, and I still don't know how to give.'

'My holiday season: A rich tradition of belated giving and premature babbling.'

'We're giving you one big present for your birthday and Christmas.'

Flowers - "You got anything that says I put a lot of thought into this gift."

'If you can't think of anything nice to say, how about a gift certificate?'

Nothing Personal: Gifts for your business adversaries.

"If you're looking for something more expensive we can always raise the price?"

"He's your rich uncle. What do you buy the caveman who's hunted and gathered everything?"

"I want to get him something for Christmas he's never had before."

Mall Directory asks, Where's your Christmas Spirit.

"Shopping vouchers? Is that all you got him?"

'Don't be silly, I like my sweaters a little big.'