Ghoulish Gourmet Gifts

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

"Instead of string beans, can I get brains?"

'Stop calling us monsters already. We're comfort eaters!'

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

The wonderful world of cheese.

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

The Main Types of Cheese

Too much cilantro

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

To do before Saturday...

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

'Is this still America?'

Holiday Supplies

Cheese

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'Cooking'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

Victorian Fast Food - 'I'll have the lark pie festooned with eels, a full stilton, two bottles of port,,,'