Ghostly Gourmet Gifts

'It's just Frank's ghost returning for a bottle of wine. It doesn't tend to keep well, where he ended up.'

'Oh please uncle Jim! Tell us another creepy story of the living!'

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

"The bagels are better in New York."

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

"It's made with real angel hair."

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

"Who gets what?"

'Now watch and listen!'

"All I've got left is smoked."

"I swear, you won't be able to tell the difference, plus, turkey eye of newt is much healthier for you."

"Instead of string beans, can I get brains?"

'How come you never bring meatballs?'

'Would sir like to start with the hors d'oeuvres, or just go to the main corpse?'

'Oh no wonder, this is Extra Virgin Mary Olive Oil.'

"Set phazers to medium rare!"

"Well, we went through the fruit and veg, and thought we should try something more exotic - like the space-time continuum."

'WIll that be with or without methane, sir?'

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

"It was a lovely holiday. The chips crispy and delicious, the ice cream cornets were to die for, the only downside being, the hostility of the humans, who were reluctant to share their sustenance."

Why Shirley hates to eat genetic modified Broccoli.

Kirks & Tacos

"Red wine with fish? Do you take me as some kind of a monster?!"

'WHAT??! 3.695.897 euro for the pizza delivery service??!'

"I'm a little disappointed. Tastes fine, but not very photogenic."

Guru on a mountain top with a take away menu

". . . ashes to ashes, dust to dust, a handful of ground coriander, the zest of a lemon. . ."

"My aged cheddar died!"

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."

"All our vegetables are well done. It's a return to the old values."

'Those kids ate me out of house and home, but what really put me under were those dang dental bills.'

Vlad the Impaler - the Later Years

'Fascinating. The rats choose chocolate nine times out of ten, but they always feel guilty about it later.'