Ghostly Gourmet Pillows

'It's just Frank's ghost returning for a bottle of wine. It doesn't tend to keep well, where he ended up.'

'Oh please uncle Jim! Tell us another creepy story of the living!'

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

"The bagels are better in New York."

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

"It's made with real angel hair."

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

'Now watch and listen!'

"All I've got left is smoked."

"Who gets what?"

"I swear, you won't be able to tell the difference, plus, turkey eye of newt is much healthier for you."

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

"It was a lovely holiday. The chips crispy and delicious, the ice cream cornets were to die for, the only downside being, the hostility of the humans, who were reluctant to share their sustenance."

'Would sir like to start with the hors d'oeuvres, or just go to the main corpse?'

'WIll that be with or without methane, sir?'

"Well, we went through the fruit and veg, and thought we should try something more exotic - like the space-time continuum."

"Set phazers to medium rare!"

'Oh no wonder, this is Extra Virgin Mary Olive Oil.'

'How come you never bring meatballs?'

Why Shirley hates to eat genetic modified Broccoli.

Kirks & Tacos

"Instead of string beans, can I get brains?"

"I'm a little disappointed. Tastes fine, but not very photogenic."

'WHAT??! 3.695.897 euro for the pizza delivery service??!'

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."

". . . ashes to ashes, dust to dust, a handful of ground coriander, the zest of a lemon. . ."

Guru on a mountain top with a take away menu

"My aged cheddar died!"

"Red wine with fish? Do you take me as some kind of a monster?!"

'Fascinating. The rats choose chocolate nine times out of ten, but they always feel guilty about it later.'

Vlad the Impaler - the Later Years

"All our vegetables are well done. It's a return to the old values."

Selecting teeth.. "I'll have those, please."