Gothic Gourmet Pillows

Vlad the Impaler - the Later Years

"Red wine with fish? Do you take me as some kind of a monster?!"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

"The bagels are better in New York."

"What do you mean you're tired of AB negative?"

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

"It's made with real angel hair."

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

"It all comes down to the aging and fermentation process."

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

'Here go, Thegla... It recipe you ask for.'

"Architectural Digest calls it 'Twilight chic.'"

"All I've got left is smoked."

"Who gets what?"

'Now watch and listen!'

The Ins and Outs of childhood

"I swear, you won't be able to tell the difference, plus, turkey eye of newt is much healthier for you."

Hudson River Crouton

"Cemetery Pie"

"Instead of string beans, can I get brains?"

'Oh no wonder, this is Extra Virgin Mary Olive Oil.'

"I'm trying to stick to a Paleo diet. Do you think cavemen had wasabi sauce on their sushi?"

Why Shirley hates to eat genetic modified Broccoli.

"You want fries with that Chardonnay?"

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

'WIll that be with or without methane, sir?'

"Set phazers to medium rare!"

'It's just Frank's ghost returning for a bottle of wine. It doesn't tend to keep well, where he ended up.'

'Oh please uncle Jim! Tell us another creepy story of the living!'

"Well, we went through the fruit and veg, and thought we should try something more exotic - like the space-time continuum."

'How come you never bring meatballs?'